mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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