i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
