This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Success! We fucked roommates!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize