cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
