He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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