you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
