I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
is wine microwaveable?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
