the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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