Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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