I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
