he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
