this beer tastes like vomit already
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Less talking, more tequila
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
