I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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