But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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