i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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