what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
