We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
