Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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