DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
