I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
