So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
