i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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