Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
