I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
