i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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