Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
