Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
