she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
