Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
