I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
