Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
