census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
