You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
