so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
