Do you still have your period?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
