The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
