i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
