Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
