I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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