In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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