I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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