Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
