I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
