I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize