We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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