Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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