Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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