I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
