He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
