Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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