My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
