At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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