According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
