So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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