Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
