Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
