Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
