Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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