Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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