Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The adults are the big ones right?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
