i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
