RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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