i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize