Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You need Xanax blowdarts
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
