we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
