If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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