how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The Olympian is in my bed
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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