Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
