Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
