I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
