btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We left an ass print on the piano.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
