I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have tasted many bathrooms
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
