im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so let's talk penis.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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