I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she looked like the before picture.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
