Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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