end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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