I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize