Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
