It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize