1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
