the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I want to have your abortion
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
