I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
