I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
