There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
