Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
