Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
