We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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