I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
