Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize