i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
