I think I won the penis lottery.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
