We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
