why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
