you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
