smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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