I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
