Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
