I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
