I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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