Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
