the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you win again, gameday.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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