ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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