Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
