It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
