Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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