Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
